Talk to Your Kids about Tobacco, Alcohol, and Drugs

65 Talk to Your Kids about Tobacco, Alcohol, and Drugs Healthy Communication and Relationships Healthy Communication and Relationships, Children 4/26/2013 10:49:06 AM http://www.healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/glmedia/icons/talktoyourkidsabouttobacco,alcohol,anddrugs.jpg father with son and daughter http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/Category/parenting/healthy-communication-and-relationships/talk-to-your-kids-about-tobacco-alcohol-and-drugs Prevent Bullying: Quick tips for parents http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/Category/parenting/healthy-communication-and-relationships/prevent-bullying-quick-tips-for-parents tool Talk to Your Kids about Sex http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/Category/parenting/healthy-communication-and-relationships/talk-to-your-kids-about-sex topic Get Your Teen Screened for Depression http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/Category/doctor-visits/screening-tests/get-your-teen-screened-for-depression topic Talk with Your Teen about Healthy Relationships http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/Category/parenting/healthy-communication-and-relationships/talk-with-your-teen-about-healthy-relationships topic

The Basics Talk to your child about the dangers of tobacco, alcohol, and drugs. Talk to your child about the dangers of tobacco, alcohol, and drugs. Knowing the facts will help your child make healthy choices.What do I say? When you talk about tobacco, alcohol, and drugs:<ul ><li>Teach your child the facts.</li><li>Give your child clear rules.</li><li>Find out what your child already knows.</li><li>Be prepared to answer your child’s questions.</li><li>Talk with your child about how to say “no.”</li></ul><a href="http://www.drugabuse.gov/family-checkup" >Get more information on keeping kids healthy and drug free</a>.When do I start talking with my child? Start early. By preschool, most children have seen adults smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol, either in real life, on TV, or on the Internet. Make sure your child knows right from the start that you think it’s important to stay safe and avoid drugs.Here are more reasons to start the conversation early:<ul ><li>Many kids start using tobacco by age 11 and are addicted by age 14.</li><li>Between ages 9 and 13, kids begin to think that using alcohol is okay.</li><li>Some children are already abusing drugs at age 12 or 13.</li></ul>What if my child is older? It’s never too late to start the conversation about avoiding drugs. Even if your teen may have tried tobacco, alcohol, or drugs, you can still talk about making healthy choices and how to say “no” next time.<a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/teen-drug-abuse/MY01099/METHOD=print" >Get more tips to help your teen stay away from drugs</a>. What do I need to know about prescriptions and other medicines? When you talk to your child about the dangers of drugs, don’t forget about drugs that may already be in your home. Prescription or over-the-counter (OTC) drug abuse is when a person:<ul ><li>Takes too much of a drug</li><li>Uses a drug when it’s not needed</li><li>Takes a drug prescribed to someone else</li></ul>When not taken safely, prescription and OTC medicines can be just as addictive and dangerous as other drugs. Make sure to talk to your kids about the dangers, and store medicines in a locked cabinet.<a href="http://teens.drugabuse.gov/peerx/prescription-drug-facts/" >Share this Web site about prescription and OTC drug abuse with your kids</a>.Why do I need to talk to my child? Research shows that kids do listen to their parents. Children who learn about drug risks from their parents are less likely to start using drugs.When kids choose not to use alcohol or drugs, they are also less likely to:<ul ><li>Have serious trouble in school</li><li>Get hurt in a car accident</li><li>Be a victim of crime</li><li>Have a problem with addiction as an adult</li></ul>If you say nothing, your child may think it’s okay to use alcohol and other drugs.

Take Action! Start having conversations about your values and expectations while your child is young. Talk with your child about tobacco, alcohol, and drugs today – and keep the conversation going.Talk with your child early and often. Start conversations about your values and expectations while your child is young. Your child will get used to sharing information and opinions with you. This will make it easier for you to continue talking as your child gets older.Here are some tips:<ul ><li>Use everyday events to start a conversation. For example, if you see a group of kids smoking, talk about how tobacco hurts the body.</li><li>Give your child your full attention. Turn off the TV, radio, cell phone, and computer, and really listen.</li><li>Try not to “talk at” your child. Encourage your child to ask questions. If you don’t know the answer to a question, look it up together.</li></ul><a href="http://theparenttoolkit.org/article/how-to-talk-with-your-teenager" >Get more tips on how to have a conversation with your child</a>. Teach your child the facts. Your child needs to know how using tobacco, alcohol, and drugs can hurt the body and cause problems at home and in school. Kids who know the facts are more likely to make good choices.<ul ><li><a href="http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/youth/information_sheet/index.htm" >Get the facts on tobacco</a>. If your child likes sports, focus on how smoking can affect athletic performance. Or you can say that tobacco causes bad breath and yellow teeth.</li><li><a href="http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/MakeADiff_HTML/makediff.htm#Talkingwith" >Get the facts on alcohol</a>. Remind your child that alcohol is a powerful drug that slows down the body and brain.</li><li><a href="http://teens.drugabuse.gov/facts/index.php" >Get the facts on other drugs</a>. Find out how steroids, marijuana, and prescription drugs affect the body.</li></ul><a href="http://teens.drugabuse.gov/activities/test-your-knowledge" >Take this quiz about drug facts with your child</a>.Set clear rules for your child. Not wanting to upset their parents is the number one reason kids give for not using drugs. Your child will be less tempted to use tobacco, alcohol, and drugs if you explain your rules clearly.Here are some things to keep in mind when you talk to your child:<ul ><li>Explain that you set rules to keep your child safe.</li><li>Tell your child you expect her not to use tobacco, alcohol, or drugs.</li><li>Let your child know what will happen if he breaks the rules.</li><li>Praise your child for good behavior. </li></ul><a href="http://bblocks.samhsa.gov/family/rules/tips.aspx" >Get advice on how to set rules for your family</a>.Give your child tools to say “no.” Kids say that they use alcohol and other drugs to “fit in and belong” with other kids. Talk to your child about how to say “no.” Your child can make a plan for when other kids offer tobacco, drugs, or alcohol.<a href="http://teenbrain.drugfree.org/tools/powerofdrugs/sayno.html" >Help your child practice saying “no” to drugs</a>.Set a good example.<ul ><li>If you smoke, <a href="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/ViewTopic.aspx?topicId=24">try to quit</a>.</li><li>If you drink alcohol, <a href="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/ViewTopic.aspx?topicId=16">don’t drink too much or too often</a>.</li><li>If you use drugs, <a href="http://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/TreatmentLocator/faces/quickSearch.jspx" >find a treatment program near you</a>.</li><li><a href="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/ViewTopic.aspx?topicId=69">Use prescription and over-the-counter medicines safely</a>.</li><li>Never drink or use drugs and drive.</li></ul>What if I’ve used drugs in the past? Be honest with your child, but don’t give a lot of details. <a href="http://www.easyread.drugabuse.gov/talking-about-drugs.php" >Use these tips to talk about your past drug use. </a>Get help if you need it. If you think your child may have a drug or alcohol problem, get help. Don’t wait.<a href="http://timetoact.drugfree.org/" >Get tips on what to do if you think your child is using drugs or alcohol</a>. What about cost? Drug and alcohol assessments for teens are now covered under the <a href="http://www.healthcare.gov/law/features/rights/preventive-care/index.html" >Affordable Care Act</a>, the health care reform law passed in 2010. Depending on your insurance plan, your child may be able to get an assessment at no cost to you.Check with your insurance provider to find out what’s included in your plan. <a href="http://www.healthcare.gov/news/factsheets/2010/07/preventive-services-list.html" >For information about other services covered by the Affordable Care Act, visit HealthCare.gov</a>.

Start Today: Small Steps <ul><li><a href="http://timetoact.drugfree.org/think-look-for-signs.html">Know the signs of teenage drug or alcohol use</a>. </li><li><a href="http://www.getsmartaboutdrugs.com/identify/video.html">Watch these videos about keeping your family safe from drug abuse</a>. </li><li><a href="http://www.justthinktwice.com/content/facts_and_fiction.html">Share this Web site about drug facts with your teen</a>. </li></ul>

The Basics Teach your kids the facts about their bodies, sex, and relationships. Teach your children the facts about their bodies, sex, and relationships. Talking with your kids about sex may not be easy, but it’s important. You can help them stay healthy and make good choices as they grow up.It may be hard to know where to start, especially if your parents didn’t talk to you about sex when you were growing up. But these tips and strategies can help.What do I say? Kids will have different questions and concerns about sex at different ages. As your child gets older, the things you talk about will change. Remember to:<ul ><li>Talk early and often – you don’t have to fit everything into one conversation.</li><li>Be ready to answer questions. Your child’s questions can tell you a lot about what she already knows.</li><li>Listen carefully to your child, even if you don’t agree with his opinion.</li><li>Try using examples from TV or music to start a conversation.</li><li>Be honest about how you are feeling. For example, if you are embarrassed or uncomfortable, it’s okay to say so.</li></ul>When is the right time to start talking? It’s never too early to start talking to children about their bodies. Use the correct names for private body parts. To learn the correct names, check out these labeled pictures of the <a href="http://websrv02.kidshealth.org/misc/movie/bodybasics/bodybasics_female_repro.html" > female reproductive system</a> <a href="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/../aboutus/disclaimer.aspx"><img src="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/../images/exit_disclaimer.png" alt="External Links Disclaimer Logo" border="0" width="10" height="10" /></a> and the <a href="http://kidshealth.org/misc/movie/bodybasics/male_repro.html" >male reproductive system</a>. <a href="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/../aboutus/disclaimer.aspx"><img src="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/../images/exit_disclaimer.png" alt="External Links Disclaimer Logo" border="0" width="10" height="10" /></a> Be sure to keep talking with your child during adolescence. Adolescence is the stage between childhood and adulthood. During this time, your child will go through puberty. What do I tell my child about puberty? Puberty (“PEW-br-tee”) is when your child’s body starts to change into an adult’s body. Puberty is different for each child. Some children start puberty at age 9. Others may not start until age 13 or 14.Puberty can be a confusing and overwhelming time for many kids. As a parent, you can help your kids by:<ul ><li>Telling them that puberty is a normal part of growing up</li><li>Sharing the facts to help them understand their changing bodies and feelings</li><li>Talking about your own experiences when you were a kid</li></ul>During puberty, kids may be less likely to ask you questions, so it’s a good idea for you to start conversations. <a href="http://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/puberty/pages/Whats-Happening-to-my-Body.aspx" >Get more information about puberty to share with your kids</a>. What do I tell my child about pregnancy and STDs? Make sure your kids have the facts they need to make healthy decisions. This includes information about pregnancy and STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), like HIV/AIDS and herpes.Both boys and girls need to know how to stay safe. Even if you think your child isn’t dating or having sex, share the facts about pregnancy and STDs.Check out these links for more information:<ul ><li><a href="http://websrv02.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/questions_sex.html" >Questions and Answers about Sex</a> <a href="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/../aboutus/disclaimer.aspx"><img alt="External Links Disclaimer Logo" border="0" height="10" src="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/../images/exit_disclaimer.png" width="10" /> </a></li><li><a href="http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/sexual_health/about_bc.html" >About Birth Control: What Parents Need to Know</a> <a href="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/../aboutus/disclaimer.aspx"><img alt="External Links Disclaimer Logo" border="0" height="10" src="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/../images/exit_disclaimer.png" width="10" /> </a></li><li><a href="http://kidshealth.org/parent/infections/std/talk_child_stds.html" >Talking to Your Kids about STDs</a> <a href="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/../aboutus/disclaimer.aspx"><img alt="External Links Disclaimer Logo" border="0" height="10" src="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/../images/exit_disclaimer.png" width="10" /> </a></li></ul>How can I help my child build healthy relationships? Families have different rules about when it’s okay for kids to start dating. Whatever your family rules are, the best time to start talking about healthy dating relationships is before your child starts dating.Start conversations about what to look for in a romantic partner. Help your kids develop realistic and healthy expectations for their relationships.<a href="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/ViewTopic.aspx?topicID=88">Get more tips on talking to your kids about healthy relationships</a>.

Take Action! Try having lots of little conversations about sex instead of one big talk. Young people need information from an adult they trust. Start the conversation with your child today.Talk early and often. Start having conversations about your values and expectations while your child is young. Your child will get used to sharing information and opinions with you. This will make it easier for you to keep talking as your child gets older.There’s more than one way to talk to kids about sex. Try having lots of little conversations about sex instead of one big talk. And remember, if you’ve been putting it off, it’s never too late to start a conversation about sex.<a href="http://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/pages/Communication-Dos-and-Donts.aspx" >Try these communication tips</a> the next time you talk with your child about sex.Start small. Try not to give your kids too much information at one time. Give them time between conversations to think. They may come back later and ask questions.Be ready to answer questions. When your kids ask you questions, ask them what they think first. Their answers will tell you more about what they are asking and why. This will also give you time to think about your answer.Do your best to answer questions honestly and correctly. If you don’t know the answer to a question, you could say, “I’m not sure. Let’s look that up together.”Keep in mind that kids get information about sex from lots of different sources – like friends, the Internet, and TV. This can create confusion for your child. That’s another reason why it’s important for you to answer questions clearly.Ask questions. Give your kids the time and space to talk about their feelings and thoughts. Ask for their opinions. Be sure to listen, even if your child has an opinion you don’t like.Try asking questions like:<ul ><li>When do you think it’s okay to start dating?</li><li>Have you talked about puberty or sex in school? Do you have any questions?</li><li>When do you think a person is ready to have sex?</li></ul>Always take your child’s values and opinions seriously. This will show your child that you respect what she has to say.Practice active listening. Active listening is a way to show your kids that you are paying attention and trying to understand their thoughts and feelings. Try these tips: <ul > <li>Nod your head.</li> <li>Repeat back what your child says in your own words. For example, “So you are feeling frustrated with our rules. You feel that you are old enough to make your own decisions.”</li> </ul> <a href="http://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/Components-of-Good-Communication.aspx" >Get more listening tips for parents</a>. Use examples to start a conversation. Young people see and hear messages about sex every day on TV, in music, and on the Internet. Use an example from a TV show or song to start the conversation.Talk in the car or in the kitchen. It can sometimes be easier to talk about sex if you don’t have to look at each other. Try asking a question when you are driving in the car or busy cooking dinner.You can still show your child that you are listening by nodding your head or repeating what your child says to you.Be honest. It’s okay to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. Be honest with your child about how you are feeling. Remember, when you are honest with your child, your child is more likely to be honest with you.Talk with other parents. Remember that you are not the only parent thinking about how to talk to kids about sex. Ask other parents how it’s going for them. You may be able to get useful tips and ideas.Talking to other parents is also a great way to learn more about the messages other kids are getting about sex.

Start Today: Small Steps <ul><li><a href="http://girlshealth.gov/body/quizzes/factfiction_quiz.questions.cfm" >Share this quiz about pregnancy and STDs with your daughter</a>.</li><li><a href="http://onguardonline.gov/articles/0006-talk-your-kids">Get tips on talking to your kids about Internet safety</a>.</li><li><a href="http://www2c.cdc.gov/podcasts/player.asp?f=9965" >Listen to this podcast to get tips on parenting kids ages 12 to 14</a>.</li></ul>

The Basics Most teens with depression don’t get the help they need. Depression is serious, but it can be treated with medicine and counseling. If your teen is between ages 12 and 18, talk to a doctor about screening (testing) for depression. More than 1 in 10 teens have some signs of depression.Depression is serious, but it can be treated with counseling and medicine. Most teens with depression don’t get the help they need.Talk to your teen’s doctor about screening for depression, even if you don’t see signs of a problem. Find out what services are available (like therapy or counseling), in case your teen needs follow-up care.What happens during a depression screening? The doctor will ask your teen questions about her feelings and behaviors. The doctor may ask her how often she: <ul > <li>Feels hopeless or sad </li> <li>Has low energy or feels tired all day</li> <li>Has trouble paying attention at school</li> <li>Eats too much or not enough</li> </ul> Screening for depression usually takes about 5 minutes. It can be done as part of your teen’s yearly checkup.What is depression? Teen depression is a serious mental health problem. If your child is depressed, he may:<ul ><li>Feel sad or irritable (easily upset) most of the time </li><li>Lose interest in favorite activities</li><li>Have aches and pains for no reason</li><li>Sleep too much or be unable to sleep</li><li>Eat too much or not enough</li><li>Use drugs or alcohol</li><li>Think about death or suicide</li></ul>It’s normal for teens to have mood swings. It can be hard to tell if your child is just feeling down or if he’s depressed. That’s why it’s so important to have your teen screened for depression.Learn more about depression in teens:<ul><li><a href="http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/understanding_depression.html " >Understanding Depression</a></li><li><a href="http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/patientinstructions/000646.htm" >Teen Depression</a></li></ul>What causes depression? Depression can happen to anyone. It’s not your fault or your teen’s fault. Some experiences may make it more likely that a teen will develop depression, like:<ul ><li>Dealing with a big loss, like a death or divorce in the family</li><li>Living with someone who is depressed</li><li>Having another mental health problem, like anxiety or an eating disorder</li><li>Feeling stressed at school or at home</li><li>Having a family history of depression</li></ul>Teen girls are more likely to get depressed than teen boys.What if the doctor finds signs of depression? If your child is showing signs of depression, the doctor will:<ul ><li>Refer your teen to a therapist or doctor with special training in helping young people with emotional and behavioral problems</li><li>Order blood tests to check for other health problems </li></ul> Make sure to include your teen when you make any decisions about treatment.

Take Action! Ask the doctor about screening your teen for depression, even if you don’t see signs of a problem. Protect your teen’s mental health. Talk to your teen and your teen’s doctor about depression.Talk to your teen’s doctor about depression screening. Ask the doctor to screen your child for depression. If you are worried about your teen, tell the doctor. Find out what services are available in case your teen needs treatment.What about cost? Screening for depression is covered under the <a href="http://www.healthcare.gov/law/features/rights/preventive-care/index.html" >Affordable Care Act</a>, the health care reform law passed in 2010. Depending on your insurance plan, your teen may be able to get screened at no cost to you. Check with your insurance provider.Even if you don’t have health insurance, free and low-cost mental health services are available. <a href="http://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/MHTreatmentLocator/faces/quickSearch.jspx" >Find mental health services near you</a>.Write down any concerns you have. Keep track of your teen’s actions and words that make you think she might be depressed. If you see a change in your child’s behavior, make a note about the change and when it happened. Include details like: <ul > <li>How long the behavior has been going on</li> <li>How often the behavior happens</li> <li>How serious you think it is</li> </ul> You can share these notes with your teen’s doctor. You can also use them to start a conversation with your teen. Watch for signs that your teen may be thinking about suicide. Most people who are depressed don’t attempt suicide, but depression can increase the risk of suicide and suicide attempts. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for people ages 15 to 24.These behaviors may be signs your teen is thinking about suicide:<ul ><li>Threatening to kill or hurt himself</li><li>Taking dangerous risks like driving recklessly</li><li>Spending less and less time with friends and family</li></ul>If your child is showing some or all of these warning signs, get help right away.<ul ><li>Visit the <a href="http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/" >National Suicide Prevention Lifeline</a> or call 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) for information about how to help a loved one.</li><li>Call 911 If someone is in immediate danger.</li></ul>Find resources for your teen. If your child isn’t ready to talk to you about her feelings, there are still things you can do. Help your teen find resources online and in the community that are just for her.<ul ><li><a href="http://websrv02.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/depression.html" >Depression Information for Teens</a> </li><li> <a href="http://www.girlshealth.gov/feelings/sad/index.cfm" >How to Know if Your “Blues” Are Depression </a>(for girls)</li></ul>Make a list with your teen of other people she can go to with problems or questions, like a teacher, guidance counselor, or adult friend. Point out ways she can get information anonymously (without giving her name).Remind your teen that you are always there if she wants to talk.

Start Today: Small Steps <ul><li>Encourage your teen to write about feelings and problems in a private journal.</li><li><a href="http://www.cdc.gov/parents/teens/index.html">Get tips for raising teens</a>.</li><li>Let your teen know you love and support her.</li></ul>

The Basics You can help your teen build strong, respectful relationships. You can help your teen build strong, respectful relationships. Start by teaching your son or daughter about healthy relationships.Unfortunately, many teens have relationships that are unhealthy. One in 10 teens report being physically abused by a boyfriend or girlfriend in the last year.You can help your kids:<ul ><li>Develop skills for healthy and safe relationships</li><li>Set expectations for how they want to be treated</li><li>Recognize when a relationship doesn’t feel good</li></ul>Talking with your teen is a way to show you are available to listen and answer questions.When should I start talking with my child about relationships? It’s never too early to teach your child about healthy relationships. You’ve probably been doing it all along. When you taught your child to say “please” and “thank you” as a toddler, you were teaching respect and kindness.Your own relationships also teach your kids how to treat others. When you treat your kids, partner, and friends in healthy, supportive ways, your kids learn from your choices.Kids learn from unhealthy experiences, too. When they experience violence at home or in the community, kids are more likely to be in unhealthy relationships later on.When should I start talking about dating? The best time to start talking about healthy dating relationships is before your child starts dating. Start conversations about what to look for in a romantic partner. For example, you could ask your child:<ul ><li>How do you want to be treated?</li><li>How do you want to feel about yourself when you are with that person?</li></ul>What makes a relationship healthy? In a healthy relationship:<ul ><li>Both people feel respected, supported, and valued</li><li>Decisions are made together</li><li>Both people have friends and interests outside of the relationship</li><li>Disagreements are settled with open and honest communication</li><li>There are more good times than bad</li></ul>What makes a relationship unhealthy? In an unhealthy relationship:<ul ><li>One person tries to change the other</li><li>One person makes most or all of the decisions</li><li>One or both people drop friends and interests outside of the relationship</li><li>One person yells, threatens, hits, or throws things during arguments</li><li>One person makes fun of the other’s opinions or interests</li><li>One person keeps track of the other all the time by calling, texting, or checking in with friends</li><li>There are more bad times than good</li></ul>People in unhealthy relationships may have many excuses to try to explain away the hurtful parts of the relationship. If you see any of these signs, talk to your teen.What is dating violence? Dating violence is when one person in a romantic relationship is abusive to the other person. This includes emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. It can happen in same-sex or opposite-sex relationships.Both boys and girls can be unhealthy or unsafe in a relationship. It’s important to talk to all kids about how to have respectful, healthy relationships.<a href="http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teen_dating_violence.html" >Find out more about teen dating violence</a>.Who is at risk for dating violence? Dating violence can happen to anyone. Teens may be more at risk of being in unhealthy relationships if they:<ul ><li>Use alcohol or drugs</li><li>Are depressed</li><li>Hang out with friends who are violent</li><li>Have trouble controlling their anger</li><li>Struggle with learning in school</li><li>Have sex with more than one person</li></ul>What are the warning signs of dating violence? It’s common for teens to have mood swings or try out different behaviors. But sudden changes in your teen’s attitude or behavior could mean that something more serious is going on.If you are worried, talk to your teen to find out more. You might want to <a href="http://www.loveisrespect.org/pdf/Dating_Basics.pdf" >share this fact sheet about healthy and unhealthy relationships with your teen [PDF - 681 KB]</a>.Watch for signs that your teen’s partner may be violent. If your teen is in a relationship with someone who uses violence, your teen may:<ul ><li>Avoid friends, family, and school activities</li><li>Make excuses for a partner’s behavior</li><li>Look uncomfortable or fearful around a partner</li><li>Lose interest in favorite activities</li><li>Get lower grades in school</li><li>Have unexplained injuries, like bruises or scratches</li></ul>Watch for signs that your teen may be violent. Teens who use physical, emotional, or sexual violence to control their partners need help to stop. Start a conversation if your teen:<ul ><li>Is jealous and possessive</li><li>Blames other people for anything that goes wrong</li><li>Damages or ruins a partner’s things</li><li>Wants to control someone else’s decisions</li><li>Constantly texts or calls a partner</li><li>Posts embarrassing information about a partner on Web sites like Facebook (including sexual information or pictures)</li></ul>Help your teen stay healthy. Dating violence can have long-term effects for both partners – even after the relationship ends.By helping your teen develop the skills for healthy relationships, you can also help prevent the long-term effects of dating violence.Someone who has experienced dating violence may struggle with:<ul><li>An eating disorder</li><li>Depression</li><li>Other violent relationships</li><li>Drug or alcohol abuse</li></ul>A partner who has been violent may experience:<ul><li>Loss of respect from others</li><li>Suspension or expulsion from school</li><li>Loneliness</li><li>Trouble with the law</li></ul>Watch for signs of dating violence and help your teen stay healthy now and in the future.

Take Action! Talk with your teen about a set of rules for dating. Then write the rules down. Talk with your kids to help them develop realistic and healthy expectations for relationships.Help your teen develop problem-solving skills. Help your teen think about healthy relationships by asking how he’d handle different situations. You might ask, “What would you do if:<ul ><li>... you think your friend’s partner isn’t treating him right?”</li><li>... your partner calls you to come over whenever you try to hang out with your friends?”</li><li>... your friend yells at his girlfriend in front of everyone at a party?”</li></ul>It may help to use examples from TV, movies, or video games to start the conversation.Be sure to listen respectfully to your teen’s answer, even if you don’t agree. Then you can offer your opinion and explore other options together.Set rules for dating. As kids get older, they gain more independence and freedom. But teens still need parents to set boundaries and expectations for behavior.Here are some things to talk about with your teen:<ul ><li>Are friends allowed to come over when you aren’t home?</li><li>Can your son go on a date with someone you haven’t met?</li><li>How can your daughter reach you if she needs a ride home?</li></ul><a href="http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/res_packet_2008/ch_three_rules.pdf" >Get tips on setting rules for your teen [PDF - 175 MB]</a>.Be a role model. You can teach your kids a lot by treating them and others with respect. As you talk with your teen about healthy relationships, think about your own behavior. Does it match the values you are talking about?Treating your kids with respect also helps you build stronger relationships with them. This can make it easier to communicate with your teen about important issues like staying safe.Check out these resources:<ul ><li><a href="http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/positiveparenting/adolescence2.html" >Teen development and positive parenting tips</a></li><li><a href="http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/communication/comm_13_to_18.html" >Communication tips for parents of teens</a> </li></ul><a href="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/ViewTopic.aspx?topicId=77">Talk to your kids about sex</a>. Teens who have sex with more than one person are at higher risk of being in an unhealthy relationship. Talk with your children about your values and expectations.<a href="http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/ViewTopic.aspx?topicId=65">Talk with your kids about tobacco, alcohol, and drugs</a>. Alcohol and drugs don’t cause violence or unhealthy relationships, but they can make it harder to make smart choices. Talk to your child about the dangers of tobacco, alcohol, and drugs.If you are worried, talk to your teen. If you think your teen’s relationship might be violent, you can:<ul ><li>Write down the reasons you are worried.</li><li>Tell your teen why you are concerned about him. Point out specific things that don’t seem right to you.</li><li>Listen to your teen calmly, and thank her for opening up.</li></ul>Get help if you need it. If you are worried about your teen’s safety, there are people who can help.<ul ><li>Call the National Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474. Describe your situation and get advice about what to do next.</li><li><a href="http://www.ncadv.org/resources/StateCoalitionList.php" >Contact your state’s domestic violence coalition to find resources near you</a>. </li></ul>

Start Today: Small Steps <ul><li>Tell your kids you are there to listen if they have questions.</li><li><a href="http://www.girlshealth.gov/relationships/dating/index.cfm">Share this information on dating with your daughter</a>.</li><li><a href="http://www.childwelfare.gov/preventing/pdfs/rules.pdf">Get tips on setting rules for your teen [PDF - 79 KB]</a>.</li></ul>